


Remember

by WinryMarellie



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: F/M, Implied Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-15
Updated: 2015-04-15
Packaged: 2018-03-23 03:34:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3752965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WinryMarellie/pseuds/WinryMarellie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>More than anything, Touka wishes for Kaneki to remember who she was. She managed to build up a new relationship with Haise, but none of it feels real when she knows who he really is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Remember

_How did I end up here?_

 

This is what I had always wanted, right? Then why do I feel so sad? Was it because of how long it took for me to get here? Or was it maybe because you don't remember who I am?

I was desperate to make you stay, so I think that's why I accepted this all. As I look over at you, your bare back facing me, I have seen how much you've grown. I remember back then, how weak you used to be with barely any muscle, but now you've filled out into a sort of strength I never imagined.

I pull the covers over my exposed chest, trying to cover you as well. I've seen that back too many times, but this is the first time it's not walking away from me. I want you to turn around so I can see your face because God am I tired of seeing your back.

This is what I wanted, right? But was it worth having to rebuild our relationship? I'm new to you, a new girl that's waltzed into your life. To me, however, you are the same idiot I've met years ago, except now robbed of innocence and memories. Was it worth it? Was it worth it all as an attempt to get him to remember? I'm not even sure anymore, because now you leave me here crying.

I waited for you, thinking that maybe you would come to remember. You whispered my name when we made love, and for a moment, I heard the old you, and I tried my best not to cry. Now you are asleep and I can let my tears fall, because I hoped that maybe you had finally come back to me, but you are still as far as ever.

My fingers brush through your hair, because I want to believe you are still there, but sometimes I doubt it. When you say, “I love you” is it really you, or the person you've become? I want to believe you are still there, somewhere in your mind, and that perhaps I'm the one who reached you and brought you back.

With each kiss I feel my heart break when I feel like it should be growing. I waited for you for so long, and yet now that you're here I still feel like I don't really have you with me. Even when your fingers traced my skin and you told me I was beautiful, I felt like it wasn't real. You aren't here anymore, are you? You're gone, and I'll never get the real you back.

But pretending is just as good right? I'm about as satisfied as I realized I ever will become. I'm asking for too much, but I'm hoping that maybe time will bring you back. You told me to wait for you, and that's what I intend to do.

One day, will you wake up beside me and remember who I was? Will you kiss me and will I see the same innocence that you used to carry? Will your hands wander my body, then suddenly stop when you realize who I am? Will my love for you be a shock? Will you laugh? Will you cry? Will you be angry? I ask myself all these questions every time I'm with you because I feel like I'm living a lie each time we're together.

I wish I knew if you really loved me. You whisper it in my ear every night as we fall asleep but I wonder if it's really you saying it or just the person you've become. Can I believe that you actually love me when you don't remember?

You shift in your sleep and I instantly retreat my hand back to my side. I try to hold my breath as I realize how badly I must have been crying. My throat hurts as I try to hold back anymore tears as I hear you sit up slightly.

“Touka?” You turn your head slightly, wiping your eyes of tiredness.

I can't reply, because if I do my voice will break.

You properly sit up and look at me, I can see the white tips of your hair catch in the moonlight, and I remember once more who you used to be. “Kaneki...” I mouth the words but no sound comes out.

You look at me in confusion when you realize I'm crying. You lean over me and put your hand on my cheek. “What's wrong?” You're concern is sweet, and it makes me cry even more.

My hand reaches up and touches your face, were you crying too? Your cheeks are wet like mine and your voice is quaking. I run my fingers down your face to your chest and I inhale sharply, “You don't remember, do you?”

“Remember what?” you look concerned and move your other hand to take mine. “What are you talking about, Touka?”

I smile that same sad smile as when I met you, “Of course...” I close my eyes and try to stop the tears. “I don't know why I thought you would...” And we sit in the silence for some time as I feel you squeeze my hand. I drop my own in defeat from your chest and rest it beside me. You kiss my eyelids and move your other hand to wrap around my bare waist.

“Touka...” you whisper again and I open my eyes. For a moment, I thought I saw the old you again. I thought I saw you leaning over me, looking into my eyes, and I wonder quietly if you have finally remembered. “I love you...”

“I love you too...” I whisper quietly, trying to sit up. You move slightly so I can sit up properly.

I feel cold as the air hits my bare skin and I wrap my arms around you for warmth. I should be happy, because this is all I wanted, so why am I so sad?

Your fingers twist in my hair and I look up at you. Do you know what I'm thinking? Have you always known? Or are you just trying to comfort me? You were an idiot sometimes, but God you were smart too. I miss you, I miss you so much.

You bury your face in my hair and I listen as you inhale my scent. Please remember, please it's all I want. Please remember how I was all those years ago, and come back to me. Please come home, Kaneki. Please come back to me.

“Touka...” you whisper again as you wrap your arms around my waist once more. “I'm sorry.” You move to kiss my cheek and bury your face in the crook of my neck. You sit there for a while and I don't move you because I once again feel the wetness of your skin against my own.

Your shoulders tremble as you pull my body closer to yours to the point in which your strength starts to hurt me. I don't stop you as you turn your head and kiss my skin, your lips brushing my shoulder before you pull back to look at me.

You are crying too, and I can see that something in you has changed. “Oh my God, Touka...” you whisper as you pull me close again and kiss my cheek once more. Did you remember? It makes me wonder as you pull back again and cup my face in your hands. You look upset, like something was troubling you deeply, and I wonder, is this really you, Kaneki?

 

_Do you remember me?_


End file.
